The Compass Within
Living & Leading by Your Values
“Motherhood today often feels like a balancing act that never ends. Between work, family, and the endless to-do lists, many of us go through the motions without noticing that somewhere along the way, we’ve misplaced a part of ourselves. That fire inside. the spark that once made us feel alive.”
Back in the day when I would hear someone say the phrase: “I lost my spark.” I would not think much of it. My opinion used to be: You neglected your own needs for too long, you just go back to doing your thing, and your spark will return. As simple as that.
Now I know better. Because some time ago, I lost my spark myself. Once I realized that I lost it, I could not even remember the last time I had it! I think for me, the fact that I did not even realize it was gone was actually the big shock. How could I have neglected myself for such a long time? How could I just go about my day and not give myself a single thought, care, or attention? Obviously, I can name 100 reasons why—family life, work, household, whatever—which are all valid reasons. It did not prevent me from feeling sadness and maybe even a small sprinkle of fear. I was scared of losing myself or that I would not care enough to include myself in my day as well. I guess losing your spark does not happen overnight. While everything was going well for my family and at work, it still felt out of balance.
In my opinion, you lose your spark when you lose track of your internal compass. I asked myself the questions: How long am I able to continue like this? Is there a way for me to enjoy life while having all these different roles?
We all have our whys figured out. But for me, the foundation behind the why was missing. How do I navigate between the different roles? How do I make sure I stay consistent at showing up for myself?
I just did not know where to take it from there. I knew I needed a compass inside myself to make sure that I was living in alignment in every role that I needed to step into.
Based on everything that I have learned so far about positive psychology, moving forward, I decided that my value system should consist of only four elements that I want to live by. These values allow me to be the person I want to be for my kids, my partner, and, more importantly, for myself. So let’s dive in.
Authenticity
Modern motherhood is full of invisible performances. We move to different spaces and roles. And because of that, things can become quite fluid—the way we move through these spaces. At least for me. And what happened in the past is that I became a watered-down version of myself to fit into these roles or blend into certain spaces. That is just a single layer of it and, for example, being a people pleaser (like me) adds to this mix. What will be left of you?
For me, one of the goals I have as a mother is that my kids remember me as someone who was her own person. I hope I inspire them to explore all parts of themselves—the good and the bad, the insecurities and the confidence—even in parenthood. So if that is my goal, I need to live my life as authentically as possible, not as a toned-down version.
Mindfulness
In motherhood, there is a lot of multitasking. Being in the here and now is not something that comes naturally to me. Yet, I can beat myself up when I realize how fast time goes, and when I have been listening only half to a story my kids told me because I was also folding laundry and was more focused on getting the folding correct.
It’s easy for me to name 3 things I am worried about, 5 burning to-dos on my list. But when I try to name 3 things to observe in my surroundings, or 5 things I am grateful for in this moment, it takes a lot longer.
It took a while for me to realize that there will always be something to do, some work to be done. But being in this moment, in the here and now, and actually connecting with myself and with my family. That opportunity will not always be there.
So now, when someone tells me a story, an event, or whatever, I stop whatever I’m doing, I look them in the eye and ask them to start from the beginning, and just watch the magic appear in their eyes.
Intentional Motherhood
There is an intersectionality between all of the values. However, for me, the combination of authenticity, mindfulness, and sustainable well-being brings me to intentional motherhood. The art of making sure that how I live my life, my family benefits from. Either directly or indirectly, from me simply being happy.
I ask myself: Does this action contribute a positive impact on my experience in motherhood?
Intentional motherhood for me means choosing how I want to shape my role as a mother, what values I want to pass on, how I want to show up, and what balance feels right for me. Parenting with purpose while remembering that my kids don’t need a perfect mother. They benefit so much more from a present and authentic one.
Sustainable Well-Being
It is really easy to follow other people’s stories and do the things that work for others. In an age where it is easy to confuse someone else’s life with your own wishes and needs, taking the time to explore my own needs and wishes has been a game-changer.
I ask myself: Which actions am I able to take, over and over?
Sustainable well-being is exploring rhythms I can actually live by, big or small. Repeatable choices that support our bodies, minds, and hearts day after day. For mothers, this matters deeply because our well-being shapes not just our own lives, but the lives of our children.
I often hear and read the phrase: You need to start with why. While that is really important, I do feel like it’s just as important to know and to understand the pillars that support that why. These values above are the pillars on which my why is built.
If nothing else, I hope this reminds you that your values are your compass. They are the quiet anchors beneath the noise. With them, life feels a little lighter, a little truer.
Love,
Romy