Have we been auditioning for our own life?

Why do we wait to become the woman we already are?

There is a version of ourselves we keep on promising ourselves. Once we have reached certain criteria, like once we lose the weight, once the kids are older, once we have gotten a raise, or once we quit our jobs.

Once we have figured ourselves out.

In this way, we allow ourselves to be seated on the sidelines. Because we keep on performing even though we can clearly sense that we have outgrown the season we are in. Yes, all seasons have a beginning and an end. However, I wonder if we let ourselves stay in a season unnecessarily for too long. What is holding us back? Are we waiting for a signal?

Honestly, I used to think that it was a personality flaw of mine. The combination of fear and perfection kept me always one step behind myself.

However, now I have spoken to enough capable and smart women to know that this isn’t actually personal. I realized that this is a structural issue.

I have always been told that becoming takes time, which makes total sense in certain cases. I want to dive deeper into the narrative that a woman needs to earn herself in stages. First: you need to prove it, after that you feel it, and perhaps if you are lucky, you get to live it.

After waiting your turn for some time, the acknowledgement that you are longing for just never shows up. And what was left is a defeated, exhausted, half-ass person of you. Waiting isn’t natural. Every season that we hold ourselves in draft mode, something else fills up that space. Often, that space gets filled with someone’s expectations of you, a version of you that is easier for other people to be around.

Also, I know every single one of us has experienced a moment in time where we said to ourselves: “I wish I had started sooner. “

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The myth of the threshold is one of the most effective traps we have out there. It makes us feel like postponement is an act of responsibility. Like you take care of something more important before we leap. And maybe sometimes that is true,

But is it always the case?

We would rather hold on to a narrative that keeps us small than admit that we are afraid. Are we waiting until we are ready, or are we waiting until it feels safe enough?

I think a lot about circular time. I also very much believe that there isn’t a straight line from who you are right now to the person you are supposed to be. We are just returning to ourselves, at times even more deeply. We remember something you already knew.

Once we step into the version of ourselves we envision leading the season we are in, everything will follow. And it will feel uncomfortable, which should outweigh the negative feelings of staying the same. Also, the woman we want isn’t ahead of us; she is already here.

My question to you:

When was the last time you actually took up as much space as you actually need?

I also want to know how many of us need to feel confident to take the leap? In my own experience, confidence is overrated. The confidence I felt before I started writing compared to one year later is unmatched.

The doing creates the feeling, not the other way around.

Love,

Romy