When did you become the least interesting person in your own life?

On outsourced attention, creative life, and remembering you're your own deepest source

A little while ago, a question came to mind. How much of our energy, our focus, and our attention goes outward? Sometimes we notice it, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it flows quickly, sometimes very slowly. But the fact is that it goes. Our bodies hold attention like a colander. Each exit has a purpose. However, very little stays inside of us.

I am really starting to believe that being interested in yourself has a lot to do with the ability to hold the focus on capacity rather than assuming it’s a personality trait.

Don’t worry, this won’t be the next essay on how women lost themselves dramatically. I just really want to explore the ordinary moments, I want to make you think about your experience of today.

My kids are now 4 and 8 years old. They love playing together, they are each other's best friend. It’s so beautiful to see. It is pretty funny when one of them wakes up before the other, they almost can’t control themselves to avoid waking up their sibling. Now that they are becoming older and have a sense of the things they can and can not do. We are quite strict on screen time, which means that the kids have become very creative when they play. At the moment, they are super into role-plays; they are becoming pretty good at it. You would almost believe that my son really has a broken leg and my daughter is a seasoned nurse.

The effect of this is that each day more and more time becomes available for me or each other, we don’t need to watch them to keep them alive.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, ladies.

Getting used to more freedom, more space to breathe is definitely still a process. Because for a very long time I have been on high alert, in service of others, and now it’s slowly moving in a different direction. If you are a woman with kids, you know how difficult it is to choose what to do with unexpected flexible time.

Because there is always something to do.

And that is exactly it. There will always be something to do; much of it will return as quickly as tomorrow. So if I use an afternoon to tap into my own interests instead of doing an extra wash, yes, I might need to wait an extra day for my favourite blouse, but at least I filled my own cup. The time has come where I value my own wellbeing more than a garment. To choose myself and my own interests is worth the time. And this brought me to the question I want to explore together with you.

“Do you still find yourself interesting?”

I have a lot of interesting women in my life, which I am so grateful for. I find them interesting not only for their own interest, but also for the way they carry themselves, the resilience, the positive outlook on their life, and let’s not talk about the creativity of these women. Just love them. I am also pretty sure they would say the same about me, but surprisingly I find myself less interesting. Almost by default. When friends come over to our place and point out and compliment the art, which I secretly already forgot was on the wall. It lets me look at a piece for the first time through new eyes, and in those moments I get the reminder that the art that flows out of me is very interesting.

A late-night painting session last week.

In these moments, I really think that through the constant availability, care, and always being there ready to respond, it is easy to lose sight of

the cool moms we actually are.

I think it’s so important to hold on to this. Because in this hyper-individualistic society, we give a lot of ourselves away. What if we keep investing in our inner life? What I mean is the place where we form our opinions before someone asks for them, the curiosity that isn’t purposeful. The place where you have 1-1s with your own mind and no one else.

It is easy to tap into other people, other sources, everything that seems more interesting. Even though we are our own deep well of inspiration, endless source material for creativity. I understand, sometimes we need to mute ourselves to hear others. Just don’t forget to turn yourself back up. You are your own deepest source of material, the well doesn’t run dry.

Love,

Romy