Thank God I'm raising a daughter
Is raising a daughter still something to be afraid of?
We are afraid of what the world will do with our daughters. However, are we considering what our daughters will do to the world?
Our world is changing and with that, also the meaning of things. There is an old fear regarding the vulnerability of our girls, which is slowly transitioning into the belief that she will be exactly what the world needs, regardless of the medium.
The idea that women are the weaker ones is more about control than it is about biology, like physical strength. This is an old story. Our vulnerability has been used against us for so long that the narrative turned into being fragile so that it could be managed.
But the research is on our side. Girls are outperforming boys academically in most Western countries. Women are entering leadership roles faster than ever, which is a day-and-night difference from 30 years ago (!). And our emotional intelligence, which used to be labeled as soft, is now a very valued skill in the workplace.
I was listening to Emma Grede’s podcast on my way to work the other day, and she is actively trying to dismantle old beliefs regarding women. And I am all here for it.
But let’s get one thing straight. Life isn’t getting easier for women. However, the amount of conversations around this is changing how it feels, and many of us are starting to feel seen. Subjects like mental load, emotional labour, and certain biases are now part of the conversation. And our girls are becoming a part of these conversations from a young age now. I truly think that the power of that should not be underestimated.
I grew up as a first daughter and first granddaughter in my family.
This has shaped me more than I thought during my upbringing. I have been taught to cater to other people's needs, to perform in the default expectations of what it means to be a woman, and growing up in a Christian household only amplifies this.
Even though the title of this week’s newsletter might suggest that I am still religious, I am not. Based on my own lived experience, I see that my religious upbringing has created a passiveness regarding self-reliance and confidence in myself to go after whatever I wanted, big or small, from a young age. Instead, I needed to ask permission and put my faith into God. This is just one example of the reasons why I decided not to raise our kids religious; my partner is not religious, so no debate was needed.
If they wish to become religious later on, that would be totally fine; that choice is theirs to make.
However, I hope that once they are older, they will always have faith in themselves before anything else.
Especially my eight-year-old daughter.
And I already see fire in her. There are moments where I speak confidence into her when facing a challenge. And I tell her: “You got this, believe in yourself”. Her answer is often, while looking me straight in the eye, confident: “I know”.
I think that the fear will not leave us, as we live in a crazy world, with a lot of lunatics. We will always have to protect our girls while they grow into amazing women.
However, it is up to us to decide what we do with that fear. Do we submit to it or do we turn it into something powerful?
Raising a daughter is more than shopping days, spa afternoons, matching pink nails. We are raising the next generation of strong, confident women who will not settle for old sad tales of the past.
Raising a daughter is a privilege, a heavy responsibility, and above all, the most beautiful.
Love,
Romy
I love this. What stayed with me was your distinction between protecting our daughters and raising them to trust themselves. So much of the conversation is still rooted in fear, but you shifted it toward possibility without pretending the challenges aren't real.
I also appreciated your honesty about how your upbringing shaped your relationship with confidence and self-reliance. I was also first daughter, first granddaughter. Your daughter's "I know" made me smile. It feels like a small glimpse of the world you're helping create, one where girls grow up believing in their own voice from the start 🤍
I have 2 boys. Both have always had only girl playmates when they were growing up. One was a neighbor, one I got along with the mom really well. I can see the difference as the kids grew up that the girls by 16,17 seem capable of taking care of themselves and seems to know themselves well. Not that my son of the same age isn’t. He’s a kind and independent person and has learned to cook, do laundry, and clean up, but still…he doesn’t have the same kind of maturity I see in the girls.
I too do not have a religious household. I recall getting into a fight with my religious mom trying to convince me to go to temple with her and I said “I believe in myself!” I was maybe just being a rebellious teen, but I also realized that she was living what she preached. I felt that it didn’t make her kinder or stop making her hold grudges. So I chose to not raise my kids religious either and let that be their choice as well.