I love this. What stayed with me was your distinction between protecting our daughters and raising them to trust themselves. So much of the conversation is still rooted in fear, but you shifted it toward possibility without pretending the challenges aren't real.
I also appreciated your honesty about how your upbringing shaped your relationship with confidence and self-reliance. I was also first daughter, first granddaughter. Your daughter's "I know" made me smile. It feels like a small glimpse of the world you're helping create, one where girls grow up believing in their own voice from the start 🤍
Yes, exactly!! Your reply is exactly what I wanted for the essay. I hope to be a voice of encouragement for my daughter, just as much as I inform her about the dangers of the world.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s so validating.
I have 2 boys. Both have always had only girl playmates when they were growing up. One was a neighbor, one I got along with the mom really well. I can see the difference as the kids grew up that the girls by 16,17 seem capable of taking care of themselves and seems to know themselves well. Not that my son of the same age isn’t. He’s a kind and independent person and has learned to cook, do laundry, and clean up, but still…he doesn’t have the same kind of maturity I see in the girls.
I too do not have a religious household. I recall getting into a fight with my religious mom trying to convince me to go to temple with her and I said “I believe in myself!” I was maybe just being a rebellious teen, but I also realized that she was living what she preached. I felt that it didn’t make her kinder or stop making her hold grudges. So I chose to not raise my kids religious either and let that be their choice as well.
Thank you for sharing!! We also have a son, so I am very curious to see how this will manifest in the future. There are still so many fun stages to be experienced. And about the religion. Your story is exactly what I needed to hear, as I haven’t met someone who shared my thoughts and reasoning. So thank you, because reading this has made my day.
❤️☺️ I am so glad what I shared resonates! Sometimes I get nervous sharing this kind of thought.
But I truly believe that a parent’s role is to teach our child to think for themselves.
When I work with my clients kids to make decisions on decluttering and organizing, that’s what I am trying to do.
I tell the parents, your kids get to decide what to keep or let go and please respect their decisions. For example, if a child keeps a sweater because the parent says, “you have to keep it because grandma bought it.” Kids learn to not trust their decision and keep something out of guilt.
If, like my mom, telling me I have to believe in what she believes or something bad will happen. That is still using fear for compliance. That is not faith.
I do my best to teach my children to be kind, respectful, honest, helpful, and believe in themselves. I try as much as I am capable of to hold space when they make mistakes and have big emotions. When I don’t control them, when I don’t use rewards or punishment to have power over them, when I trust that they will find their way, learn from their actions, that’s having faith.
You are raising a beautiful confident daughter. Mine is 3 years old and she was born very spirited. She isn't shy to say what she wants and has a strong sense of self. I am grateful for her strong temperament because I was a very timid a quiet kid who had less opinion and say in her early years. I definitely agree we need more women in high positions and self esteem in their early years is the first step to get there.
I love that age, Randa! So beautiful to read that her personality and the fire within her are already shining through! I share so many of the same traits as you! Very shy kids back then, raising almost opposites of ourselves currently. Motherhood is teaching us so much. Big hug!
I feel the fear often. Like I need to protect her forever from everything outside. But then I remember who I come from-my lineage and our story and all the work I've done to make sure she knows we can do hard things and we are born for great things! My biggest lesson in this life so far has been that my emotions are my power. The ever changing power of the ocean is in every woman, and when we learn how to wield and how to release and express and hold ourselves-we become incredibly powerful. This is what I will teach, not how to be more like men, not how to fit in more-how to stand out more! How to be the most brilliant YOU you can be, no shrinking, only shining. We are so lucky to be raising the women of the next generation, and the young lads I've been meeting are smart and sweet as well. I believe mothers are raising them right too. I so look forward to who our kids become!
I love this. What stayed with me was your distinction between protecting our daughters and raising them to trust themselves. So much of the conversation is still rooted in fear, but you shifted it toward possibility without pretending the challenges aren't real.
I also appreciated your honesty about how your upbringing shaped your relationship with confidence and self-reliance. I was also first daughter, first granddaughter. Your daughter's "I know" made me smile. It feels like a small glimpse of the world you're helping create, one where girls grow up believing in their own voice from the start 🤍
Yes, exactly!! Your reply is exactly what I wanted for the essay. I hope to be a voice of encouragement for my daughter, just as much as I inform her about the dangers of the world.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s so validating.
I have 2 boys. Both have always had only girl playmates when they were growing up. One was a neighbor, one I got along with the mom really well. I can see the difference as the kids grew up that the girls by 16,17 seem capable of taking care of themselves and seems to know themselves well. Not that my son of the same age isn’t. He’s a kind and independent person and has learned to cook, do laundry, and clean up, but still…he doesn’t have the same kind of maturity I see in the girls.
I too do not have a religious household. I recall getting into a fight with my religious mom trying to convince me to go to temple with her and I said “I believe in myself!” I was maybe just being a rebellious teen, but I also realized that she was living what she preached. I felt that it didn’t make her kinder or stop making her hold grudges. So I chose to not raise my kids religious either and let that be their choice as well.
Thank you for sharing!! We also have a son, so I am very curious to see how this will manifest in the future. There are still so many fun stages to be experienced. And about the religion. Your story is exactly what I needed to hear, as I haven’t met someone who shared my thoughts and reasoning. So thank you, because reading this has made my day.
❤️☺️ I am so glad what I shared resonates! Sometimes I get nervous sharing this kind of thought.
But I truly believe that a parent’s role is to teach our child to think for themselves.
When I work with my clients kids to make decisions on decluttering and organizing, that’s what I am trying to do.
I tell the parents, your kids get to decide what to keep or let go and please respect their decisions. For example, if a child keeps a sweater because the parent says, “you have to keep it because grandma bought it.” Kids learn to not trust their decision and keep something out of guilt.
If, like my mom, telling me I have to believe in what she believes or something bad will happen. That is still using fear for compliance. That is not faith.
I do my best to teach my children to be kind, respectful, honest, helpful, and believe in themselves. I try as much as I am capable of to hold space when they make mistakes and have big emotions. When I don’t control them, when I don’t use rewards or punishment to have power over them, when I trust that they will find their way, learn from their actions, that’s having faith.
You are raising a beautiful confident daughter. Mine is 3 years old and she was born very spirited. She isn't shy to say what she wants and has a strong sense of self. I am grateful for her strong temperament because I was a very timid a quiet kid who had less opinion and say in her early years. I definitely agree we need more women in high positions and self esteem in their early years is the first step to get there.
I love that age, Randa! So beautiful to read that her personality and the fire within her are already shining through! I share so many of the same traits as you! Very shy kids back then, raising almost opposites of ourselves currently. Motherhood is teaching us so much. Big hug!
loved reading this. my daughter turns 3 soon. raising her is an absolute privilege and pleasure. and so healing, in so many ways.
Exactly! It is very healing and makes me so hopeful for the future. Big hug to you and your daughter 🤍
I feel the fear often. Like I need to protect her forever from everything outside. But then I remember who I come from-my lineage and our story and all the work I've done to make sure she knows we can do hard things and we are born for great things! My biggest lesson in this life so far has been that my emotions are my power. The ever changing power of the ocean is in every woman, and when we learn how to wield and how to release and express and hold ourselves-we become incredibly powerful. This is what I will teach, not how to be more like men, not how to fit in more-how to stand out more! How to be the most brilliant YOU you can be, no shrinking, only shining. We are so lucky to be raising the women of the next generation, and the young lads I've been meeting are smart and sweet as well. I believe mothers are raising them right too. I so look forward to who our kids become!