What happened to just living?

When was the last time you did something with no plan or intention to do it better?

I have always been someone who likes efficiency; it shows in the way I move around the house, the way I operate at my job, and the way I plan my weeks. I try to use all my time well and stay on top of my nutrition. But last year I realized it had spread too far into my day-to-day; the books I read were only self-help, positive psychology, or parenting. I couldn’t remember the last time I had read a novel. I used to be so obsessed with self-development for fear of standing still. But was it a me problem or… is it something bigger?

We live in a time where almost everything can be optimized. Some come with a price tag and others come with a certain set of routines. We think that the only price is either money or effort. I do wonder what the actual price of optimization is. Because at what point does the pursuit of improvement stand in the way of the experience of a life well lived?

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For me, Painting is one of those activities, where the pressure to improve fades away and fully embrace flow state. I used to sell my paintings, but I decided to step away from that because, for me, it took the joy away completely.

Painting is one thing where I could just exist without the slightest urge to become better was something I valued more than the pursuit of making things sellable.

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Optimization is a huge part of modern self-improvement. It has stretched into all aspects of our lives; into our capacity to be productive, parenting, our relationships, our sleep, our bodies, even in our motions. Because, be honest, how much of your life are you tracking, measuring, and improving? It has been so integrated into our lifestyle.

I think that self-awareness is an extremely valuable skill to have; it helps you to stay close to yourself and your choices. So I also don’t think that self-awareness is the problem here. I think the way that we have become accustomed to us stepping outside our own lives and evaluating every aspect makes it very challenging to actually live it and feel it.

I want to do a deep dive into the grip that optimization has on us as women. Because it has for sure helped in a lot of systems like the unrealistic beauty standards, emotional labour, etc. But could it be that we have gone a bit overboard, without realizing?

I feel like it has now moved to parts of our lives where it’s not needed nor meant to be implemented. Such as “strategies for unlucking and manifesting your desires”, “ultimate hacks for lasting friendships” or the protein hysteria. Like, do we really need protein popcorn?

It is almost as if, in case you haven’t certain parts of your life out, you are not living your life properly. I find that very interesting, read: crazy.

Beautiful things happen throughout our days. However, are we always present enough to watch them happen? Our minds are often somewhere else.

Positive psychology has this tool called savoring, in which it reminds you to practice noticing and appreciating positive emotions during our experiences.

Research confirms that the way we absorb it is what makes the happiness last, even more than the experience itself. So that holiday, that dinner, an evening with friends where you all laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe, those moments are stored differently in you based on whether you were present for it or just there.

And the most exciting part of this thing? We can do this together. Shared savoring actually talking about a good memory with someone else, it actually amplifies the positive emotion. Not only do you remember it more clearly, but you also relive and even feel it again.

So next time something good happens, or when someone says “Do you remember when….” lock in the moment with that person. That’s how we actively build our own wellbeing.

And most of all, let’s chase the feelings more.

Love,

Romy