Issue no. 2: Feeding your female appetite
on wild sides, disco queens and earning your seat
Hi there ♡, whether you found me through a single essay someone sent you, or you’ve been reading since the very first issue. I just want to take this moment and say thank you for reading the Orange & Kin newsletter. And also, cheers to you for being curious enough about your own life to keep showing up for it in the way you show up for everyone else’s.
On The Week
Music fills up our house every single day. I love how we play all kinds of genres throughout the week; nothing is too weird for our little family. On some afternoon last week, the song ‘Grease’ by Frankie Valli started playing during the shuffle. I love how memory works because once I heard the song, it was as if I was immediately back at my childhood home in the living room next to my mom, sitting on the sofa watching the movie Grease; it’s my mother’s favorite movie. I remember watching this movie with my mom as a kid, observing her sing along to all the songs with so much energy and nostalgia. I was mesmerized by her living room performance like no one was watching. Now, as an adult, I see how important it is for kids to be exposed to unfiltered excitement from adults.
Since I can remember, I have always been fascinated by women lighting up with their interests and, with that, embracing their own uniqueness. Also, to me, someone’s enthusiasm can convince me to try something I am not even into. It’s no surprise that Grease is now one of my favorite movies as well. So, never underestimate your enthusiasm about something because it is often what carries the experience for someone else.
That brings me to the topic of this week. Feeding your female appetite.
I think a lot of us women go down a path of wanting less, asking for less, keeping everything steady under control, needing less from others; for some, that became a token of maturity handed to us from a young age. For some, there is a point of no return; they settle into certain roles because it is easier that way, than to completely reconstruct the dynamics in which they are currently living. I see how that might feel, but there is always a way back to yourself. Once you start feeding into your tastes and interests, it actually becomes easier and less complicated than you initially thought. At least, that was the case for me.
On Motherhood
For the longest time, I thought that I needed to hide my wild side somewhere far away. Looking back at it now, I would lie if I said that becoming a young mother did not disrupt the side of me that wanted to be wild and free in my twenties. It is easy to be resentful towards those early years of motherhood, and feed into the idea that they have taken something away from me. The opposite is actually true. The fortunate thing about life is that it’s just a bunch of seasons combined; with each passing season, that longing for my pleasure, my own joy, is being nurtured more and more, and because of that I feel it more in body, and I appreciate it more. I have been on the other side of the coin where it felt like I was completely chained to the needs of the household, the kids’ schedules, the days when there was little to no room for myself, and no opportunity to create a change. Fortunately, life looks very different right now.
I do talk a lot about life in seasons and finding peace in the fact that everything will pass. However, it’s also up to us to create the structure for our seasons. Because if we can create structures for ourselves to slow down, to reset, and to nurture, we can do the same in a different direction. Let’s not underestimate how our actions influence our seasons; just as we create these constructions, we can make sure that we feed into our own desires, or do the things that feel authentic to us.
Giving your kids a good upbringing and guiding them to be kind humans is obviously a no-brainer ‘objective’ in parenting. However, I do think that sharing your passions, what lights the fire inside of you, with your kids is something that should be just as valuable.
I hope that once my kids are older, they will remember not only me in the kitchen, working behind the laptop, and tending to their wounds, but also my love for red wine and green olives, the nights I tucked them into bed, kissed them and my husband goodnight, and went out dancing, and the walls in our house filled with my art.
I want them to remember the woman that raised them, not just their mother.
On Currently
I have always been drawn to the 70s era. The fashion, the music, the intense political discussions because of the discrimination people experienced, the feminist milestones that were reached during this decade, and also, the movie scenes of women of color with afros doing Kung Fu moves in glitter disco outfits and high leather boots, hello Pam Grier! I love everything about it.
Women like Cher and Donna Summer will always have my heart with their amazing outfits and their voices. My obsession and admiration for these women will never fizzle out. There is something about their presence, the way they carried themselves, the way they sang. It just sparks something in me, it’s contagious.
No matter the phase I am in currently, I feel like I always come back to this decade for inspiration. Like for an upcoming themed ‘music’ party, you can already guess which direction I am looking towards.
On Womenhood
11 years ago, on a cool summer night, my now-husband and I ran into each other by chance after we’d been introduced just a few weeks before. We went to the same after-party and started chatting at the dining table. He asked me what my favorite song was. Back then, this question would always stress me out because it’s so intimate. There is a whole psychology behind it because, based on who is asking, you give a different answer. Your answer might vary based on the purpose: to be liked, to be interesting, or to be mysterious. The answer to this question becomes a tool to get a certain reaction from the person sitting across from you.
But this time I thought, f*ck it, I just wanted to say my favorite song for once and go all in on why it puts a smile on my face every single time. I told him that my favorite song was Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees. “Dope,” he said with a genuine smile. I was searching his face for traces of sarcasm, but instead he connected his phone to the speakers, and there we were vibing together to the Bee Gees at 3 a.m. It’s no surprise that I married this man.
The older I get, the more I realize that the behaviour of not expressing my interests or my wild side is not something that only I was doing. This is a behaviour that a lot more women share.
There is this saying, “Sometimes silence is gold, and sometimes it’s colorless”, and it has left such an impression on me and how I want to carry myself forward. So when we talk about feeding our female appetite, it’s simply feeding the authentic us regardless of any outside voices and doing the things that bring a smile to our face without any additional intentions.
The Reframe
Lately I have been thinking a lot about taking up more space than I am used to. Taking up space sounds simple, but it’s actually much more layered than that. The more I connect with women on this topic, the more I notice, in these conversations, that we come to the same conclusion, which is that we do not have to be productive enough, or pull ourselves a bit more together. We do not need to ‘earn’ a seat at the table.
You are here, and you have all it takes.
Love,
Romy
