Issue no. 3: Watching another woman win

Aug 13, 2026

Hi there ♡, whether you found me through a single essay someone sent you, or you’ve been reading since the very first issue. I want to take this moment to say thank you for reading the Orange & Kin newsletter. And also, cheers to you for being curious enough about your own life to keep showing up for it in the way you show up for everyone else’s.

The Week

Like many other friendships, my girlfriends and I don’t meet up as often as we would like, but when we do, nothing else matters but the five of us around the table. Last Sunday we went for an Egyptian breakfast in Amsterdam Noord.

I told my husband beforehand that I would most likely already be on my way back within three hours. But when I grabbed my phone to check the time and saw that those three hours had passed, I realised how easy it is to lose track of time, because there was no sign of the conversation being anywhere near done. I texted my husband that it would still be a couple more hours. I did feel a sense of guilt for staying away longer. However, at the same time, I felt that I did not want to give in to the idea that I was needed at home. Because I personally just don’t entertain the idea that men need saving after being with the kids alone for a few hours. We both have our lives, and we both leave room for each other's spontaneous adventures. That is something we both swear by. And with that, I turned back to our conversation without a continuous sense of guilt.

The older I get, the more I cherish the intimate bond we have. Also, we have now been friends for ten years, and all of us have changed, yet our friendship has stayed the same, or maybe it grew together with us.

There is nothing better than your own girlfriends cheering you on, encouraging you, and celebrating you. Something that I truly love about the dynamic of friendship is that we are all in different phases, yet we hold space for each other while we walk our own paths. Together, we have a friendship where none of us need to prove anything.

Nowadays, we are all living busy lives, but I have also learned that female friendships can generate just as much energy as resting. Also, how important your environment is: feeling like you are being celebrated without comparison. I truly think that life becomes more meaningful when you enjoy

Watching Another Woman Win.

Because it truly does not take anything away from you, regardless of what you have been told. It is a privilege to have amazing women in your corner, but it is also a privilege to be in a woman’s corner too, to be a voice of encouragement, to be her hype-woman, her safe space. There is room for all of us.

Currently

Last week I bought a new batch of lingerie, and this time the goal was something different than before. I wanted to buy sets to feel good, to feel sexy and comfortable. First of all, I can count on one hand how often I bought lingerie in the past decade, I just didn't see the need to buy anything other than practical or necessary. Partially, it was also because I was still holding on to the idea that the weight that I gained from pregnancy was temporary, so I did not want to invest in any pieces. Fast forward to present day, I am still the same size, I haven’t lost the extra 10 kg. And I am totally ok with it.

However, last week I decided that I wanted new lingerie to feel a sense of daily luxury just for myself. I went for some colourful styles and some everyday chic. After I tried the pieces on, I realised that I have finally accepted my body. It felt so good and, most importantly, at home in my own body.

On Womanhood

The advice “ Stop comparing and let’s celebrate women” is something we have all heard a thousand times, yet it does not spark anything in anyone anymore. To me, that is not a personality ‘flaw’. From a young age, girls experience situations where there can be only one winner: the prettiest girl, the smartest girl, the most popular, the most successful, the list continues. This happened throughout my childhood, and I imagine this goes for many other women as well. It has conditioned our minds that one woman’s win is our own loss. There is no need to feel guilty about it, especially if you can see a recurring pattern in your own life of how you have inherited this way of thinking.

The behaviour of comparing is not always in moments when we watch others experience big or obvious wins, like a relationship, a snatched body, or a successful career. To be honest, I have noticed how I also compare myself to women who seem to be more at ease, more themselves, more patient, or more social.

If we would only compare ourselves when big wins show up, it’s easy to make excuses like, “she got lucky, she got help, she worked harder”. All these excuses help to make the sting appear softer. But when we compare to smaller stuff, there is nothing to say. There are no excuses for a woman being more rested, more herself. The comparison goes past the other woman and points right back at you, at what you are missing internally. The envy that you feel is so insightful because it tells you what you actually want for yourself or something you haven’t gone after.

On Motherhood

As a mother to a daughter, it has always been my goal since she was young to make sure she understood that there is always a seat at the table for her, no matter what. And if there is no seat, bring your own chair.

our civil wedding location one year ago.

But I also have to be honest, because, as I said before, we as women have inherited a lot of narratives that we do wish to continue, yet we also have our blind spots. I do feel the pressure not just to notice these patterns but also to actively watch myself, so I am not passing down what I was taught in the past.

And my daughter is not going to learn just by me telling her. It happens through showing up for other women’s wins in front of her.